If you would have asked me that question before last Wednesday I could have told you my morning coffee, a hot shower or being held in that snuggly place in the crook of Curtis' arm. Today I state emphatically--my health. Nothing like a scare to bring you back down to what is important. Without your health you have nothing, then once that is in check you can proceed with the other life necessities.
Back in 2000 I had major spinal surgery for my 46 degree C-curve scoliosis. Now 9-years later I went for a general follow up to make sure all that titanium was holding tight and I could have a green light for the baby planning (let me be clear family and friends---Planning, NOT currently prego). Another doctor in the practice evaluated my x-ray did one of those "u-u-u-uh?!!!"-s, skirted my direct questions, and would only tell me that any course of action he would recommend at this point would interfere with having children.[gasp!]
Well, I evidently was not wearing my big girl pants that day cause I lost all dignity and started sobbing in the exam room. Further breakdowns followed out in my car, on the ride home, when I came home (scaring the crap out of my husband who thought someone had died after seeing my red face/tear soaked cheeks) and then again the next morning when I realized work seemed ridiculously pointless in the scheme of things. My mind whirled through the last aftermath of my surgery, having to be a blob in bed, losing months of cognitive memory/activities rendered null because my body was healing, relying on others for virtually everything, and having to swallow my pride as a teenager and ask my mom to help me do everything including the private moment of taking shower. My mind whirled through scenarios, could my mom travel down to Phoenix and help me again? Could we afford in-home nursing if she couldn't? Would my insurance have half a prayer of covering a hefty portion of the cost?!? Oh and my type-A personality timeline...that throws that baby planning way off the chart!
Four days went by with no news, no call back on Friday and I decided that unless it caused eminent death I would still attempt a child this summer. Then, that doc conferred with my original doc and my x-rays and decided on Monday....nah, just joking...nothing much had changed to warrant another surgery. Damn it if I shouldn't have been happy, but I was mad. And I should be, specifically at myself because I freaked out--doing all the what-if's since I just didn't know where to take those original careful comments in the exam room. So gleefully all is well and I have had time to process. I still have the risk of slipping a disk while pregnant ‘cause I am fairly rigid and I hear that back labor is a bitch. Onward timeline!
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