You know it's love

When to use bathroom spray in the bedroom? Well, when your son uses his nursery as a bathroom. Okay, he's 5 months old and I can totally cut him slack because he does use his diapers. This morning became the new standard in Epic Poos.

That's right, people reading this with kids will nod their heads and are sure to have a "one-up" story that you are welcome to share. People without kids? Well, I will say poopie and make fart sounds...maybe that part will be entertaining. Or maybe visualizing the following 3 scenarios will make for enough entertainment.

#1 - Max is a clock-work morning pooper and this morning was a doozy. It wasn't a blow out, but more of a blow UP! The kid was in my lap after his bottle and after some grunting the smell emanated from his bum. Okay, time to go to the changing table. OR on a second evaluation, the new look of things designatied it was time to get out the hazmat suit. Poor kiddo had so much poop coming out of him that it rocketed out of his diaper, up his back and smeared up to his shoulder blades! Oooomph. Let the decontamination process begin.

#2 - Future job as an artist? No, he just likes overfilling his diaper with two colors of poo art with the occasional expansion of the canvas to any surface he is sitting on (my pants, the bouncy chair, his car seat, you get the picture). He gives a base of dark green and then adds a nice creamy swirl of yellow to the top. Ew. And isn't it funny that we use food references to describe to the doctors what his bowel movents look like. (e.g. Chunky peanut butter, clumppy oatmeal, dairy curds...oh, should I have warned you not to be eating while reading this post?!?)

Seriously, we are just happy the kid poops every day. There was a time when he would go 5-7 days without making a load. And man, was he an angry little thing! And really, who wouldn't be a little grouchy if you hadn't gone in a week!?!

#3 - The first real indoctrination into parenthood was at 4:30am when he was only a few months old. He had projectile poo. Max was going through the normal routine of bottle, then a diaper change, I was keeping the lights dim because back in the day he would go back to sleep this early in the morning. Tra-la-la-la, la-la. All was normal and calm for the wee little one. Diaper off, wiping down, get out the new diaper, clean bottom ready to be inserted into new wares...THEN I lift his legs (you see where this goes wrong). We are talking about poo shooting 3 feet out of his butt, across the changing mat and all the way over to his feeding chart at the end of the long dresser that we use as his changing table. In the middle of those two points he creamed his diaper caddy, multiple diapers, a burp cloth, the camquarter, a pen that was promptly thrown away and various bottles of lotion and diaper rash cream with a tubular projection of feces. Yeah, good morning to you too son.

You just know it's love when you wipe someone's back end, smile, clean them up, wrap them back up and snuggle them close. Then of course, you can be scared the next time you change thier diaper, but ultimately you will still willingly do it.

And no, there will be no pictures shared with this post. But as parents do, I admittedly texted Curtis photos of the epic 5-day blow out diapers when he was at work. Way to make dad proud Max.