Right now I am very conflicted on what to do. I truly am trapped between the main worlds of Working-Mom and Stay-at-Home-Mom. (In addition to all the other roles we juggle...wife, home accountant, cook, cleaning lady, sister, daughter, friend, etc). I have had the advantage to work from home these past 3 months, but that is soon coming to an end. Technically I could only stay home with Max and not have a job, but I want to be prepared financially so it can make having kiddo #2 easier.
Yes, I just said that...I am planning for the next kiddo in the future. After all, I promised Max if he didn't break me, then he could have a sibling. Grant it this will be a while further down the road, but I would like to have the spoils of a larger house in a better neighborhood, etc before we welcome the next family member home. So this is the side goal rattling around in my head.
Okay, back to my inner conflict:
I love my son, I love watching his milestones happen right in front of me and they are happening FAST. Almost too fast and I feel like I don't appreciate this time enough, so I fear losing it with him. Then there is a part of me that still wants a break from the home, probably because we don't have family in town so there is no outlet for me besides the weekends where Curtis is home. The word 'career' tempts me too. Something other than Mom/homemaker to identify myself as and another area where I can grow mentally. Financially the job needs to be advantageous enough to make daycare not seem like a dent in the budget...but then it tears me up to think of the little one getting a flat head or some similarly awful/dramatic scenarios because they just leave him in a crib crying all day (or something).
From the outside world / their views:
Max may not know the difference because he is so young, but then will I ever step back and focus on being just Mom? (Are you hearing this conflict of ideals here? --Am I just being stingy because somehow I want the best of both worlds?!?!) Curtis is supportive of my final decision, but lets face it, he is still greedy for the paycheck too and I am sure my working would take some pressure off of him. Co-workers act like I need to get serious and stop "playing" with my son and come back to work in the office. ***For anyone who stays at home to watch your beloved children you know how these types of comments make your blood boil because my GAWD staying home to raise a child is damn hard work.*** And then surprisingly other stay-at-home mommies don't view me as one of their own either. They get ticked off when I decline their play group invite because of work and then they want to complain to me that they missed taking one of the many daily naps with "little Suzie" today. Strange paradox, I know. I can also aknowledge that I don't have their same life either and have trouble relating with some of their daily woes. Maybe they are just having an identity crisis like me and the naps are simply what they have to chat about that day. ...?
So overall I feel like a bit of a misfit. Not quite sure what I am looking for by posting this gush of confusion...maybe some pointers, maybe just a vent, maybe just to reach out and let other moms know they aren't the only one letting this kind of stuff roll around in their heads all day too. Only time can really reveal what will happen.
Being a parent was described to me by another new working-mom as GUILT. There always seems to be self doubt as you wonder how the little things you do impact your little one's life. I am certainly feeling the stress creep higher as my deadline to come back in the office approaches. I want the best for Max and for me. It is sad if I don't stay home because I have that phenomenal opportunity. I also feel selfish because tons of other moms would kill for the advantage to not put their kids in daycare. Now, here I am debating on trying to juggle back in the ball of full-time work that separates me from the time I can never regain with our son.
Going back to work? ...but at what real expense to my family?
This is such a long and heated debate. I am so grateful that I have been able to stay home with my kidlets. I will have to send you a lengthy message on this one...I truly feel that no one ever takes as good of care of our children as we do. If you have the option to stay home that is awesome...Maybe you could work part time or from home? I can tell you the first 5 years go by so quick and then your babies are off to school. I know you see how fast it is going already. Its funny because having children speeds up the clock so quick!!!!! Make the decision that works best for you and your family. I've been so lucky to stay home with my kids. Some people wish they could, others are glad to go back to work. When your baby is in daycare they get sick more often...there are so many things to think about and I'm so with you on this . I would have had to go back when Mark was 6 weeks old and I could not imagine that. So I decided to keep him home with me and its been great for us. Add two more kids into the mix and its great. I don't feel I have to stay home because I have kids, but some moms don't leave the house. We go to the park, shopping, sometimes to lunch with dad or friends. Its all about you and how your situation is. I LOVE being home!!
ReplyDeleteGreat reassurance from a friend's Mom:
ReplyDeleteI became a mom in 1983.... daycare and working moms where a very new thing back then, so my children where the "test" generation for the super moms. I was afraid that they would love the daycare people more than me... they didn't. I was afraid they would grow up insecure... they didn't. I was afraid they would not feel they were loved enough... they didn't. I was afraid I would miss a lot of the firsts...first step, first word, etc. I didn't because even if it actually happened first at daycare, I still got "my first" when we were home.As long as the people that take care of you child are good people, your child will benefit. They will become stronger individuals with better social skills.
More solid advice from E:
ReplyDeleteHaving recently learned this for myself I can say don't sacrifice the now to the future. I promise you, none of the things that you lose by going to work are worth the money they pay you. The future is an uncertain and changing dream. What you're doing right now is the reality of your life. Besides, how are we going to play all day if you're at work? ;) Your friend Jennifer who commented on your post made me so happy. I have never met a stay-at-home mom who was unhappy with her decision. I have met plenty of working moms who wish they could stay home. In my opinion, the fact that you have a choice should make it no choice at all. As for the fulfillment of your personal needs, can you honestly say that work does that for you? Or is there something that you'd rather spend your intellectual energies on? When making this decision please remember: Children don't need money, they need love.
I won't torture you from my soapbox any more.